A few years ago I wrote a series of columns about How to Sell Your TV Show Idea based on my experiences as a television writer. I still get emails about those columns. Here is the condensed Reader’s Digest version, plus some new advice!

1. The Stephen J. Cannell Way

Stephen J. Cannell wrote spec scripts for five years while working for his dad’s furniture company. He finally got his break and wrote for TV shows such as Adam-12, Ironside and It Takes a Thief. He built up a track record as a writer (very important in TV) and went on to create over 40 TV shows such as The Rockford Files, The Greatest American Hero, The A-Team and 21 Jumpstreet. Get Stephen’s advice on pitching TV shows on his web site.

2. The Kaufman/Krane Way Marta Kaufman and her writing partner David Crane had never written for any TV shows. Their writing experience was writing off-Broadway plays in New York. When they came up with the idea for a show called Dream On, common sense would have said they had no chance.

But they had power agent Nancy Josephson (whose dad started mega-agency ICM) in their corner who got them pitch meetings and they sold the show to HBO. They later went onto create Friends based on their New York days, and the rest is TV history.

3. The Mark Burnett Way Mark Burnett had no TV experience and no super agents in his corner. He was a paratrooper in the British Army who fought in the Falklands War. On the advice of his mum, he quit the military and moved to Los Angeles.

Burnett sold his first series, Eco Challenge, by finding advertisers who would pay for the show. In short, he basically by-passed the networks and got the ad money first, then pitched the show. In short, he did all the leg work for the networks, all they had to do was air it, and cash the advertiser’s checks. He used the same marketing technique to sell his mega-hit reality series Survivor and The Apprentice.

4. The 8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter Way W. Bruce Cameron had no TV writing experience, but he did write a best-selling book, 8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter, which got optioned and turned into an ABC-TV series starring John Ritter.

Hollywood often feels that a best-selling book is a good gamble because it has a “built-in audience.” I think that advice on television still holds up today, but if I were to add anything it’s how the web has altered the landscape. The field is wide open for people to break into TV. So here is one more piece of advice:

5. The Internet Way If you can put some video shorts on YouTube (and other video sites) and get a lot of traffic, you could sell a TV idea that way too. TV agents are searching the web.

Some TV show pitches have been made into webisodes, such as “The Jeannie Tate Show,” which features a highly-annoying, but funny soccer mom doing a TV talk show from inside her minivan. This web show stars Liz Cackowsk who wrote for the TV show Saturday Night Live.

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Laugh Out Loud, Pets Across America? Okay, it’s a little corny, but in this case, it’s true. If you like funny (and touching) stories about pets, you’ll like this book.

I have to give a disclaimer here, I wrote one of the stories in Pets Across America. It’s about my dog Sinbad, a small poodle, who terrorized my babysitter (with my help, I was a little rascal at times); you can read my story in the excerpt below.

Pets Across America is supposed to be about the life lessons that pets teach us, but in my case those lessons were mischievous, so I’m not sure why my story got accepted.

If you want to buy Pets Across America, it’s for a good cause, the editor, Pam Uher is giving a portion of the proceeds to animal shelters. And now, here is my excerpt:

When I was growing up, we always had pets in the house, especially dogs. My favorite was our poodle, Sinbad.

Sinbad was not a cute poodle, the kind you dress up like Jon Benet Ramsey for a beauty contest, but a troublemaker and my partner in crime. Even though I was an only child, I never felt like one when I was with my “bro,” who just happened to have a tail

My teenage babysitter Sheila was terrified of Sinbad, even though he only weighed about 20 pounds. Whenever she came over to sit with me, Sheila always asked my mom, “Is Sinbad locked up?” Little did she realize the horror that awaited her!

My mom would assure her that Sinbad was safely locked away in a back bedroom, and he was, until my mom left. Then I would sneak to the bedroom and quietly crack the door, just enough for Sinbad to open it all the way with his black wet nose.

Seconds later, he’d be running towards the kitchen where Sheila was cooking dinner. She’d go into a panic at the sound of his little toenails tapping against the hallway floor, coming closer and closer. The seventeen-year-old would quickly climb a bar stool where my small poodle would “tree her.”

While she squirmed and yelled at the top of the stool, Sinbad would jump, click his teeth, and try to bite her feet. She’d call for me to help, but I would feign fear, “Gosh, I don’t want Sinbad to bite me.”

While Sinbad had Sheila treed, I would stay up late and watch TV.

Those lovely moments brought me a great deal of joy, but for some odd reason Sheila stopped being my babysitter. In her place, I got a cranky old woman named Mrs. Brigg, who wasn’t afraid of fierce poodles.

To make matters worse, my mother gave Sinbad away. Maybe she was afraid of being sued. Once he ran over to the next door neighbor’s yard and bit our elderly neighbor on the foot. But in Sinbad’s defense, our 80-something neighbor did wear an eye patch, so it’s possible that he might have mistaken her for a pirate.

When mom gave Sinbad away, it was more than just the loss of my dog, it was the end of my tender childhood. Seemingly overnight, I went from kid to baggage handler.

I say “baggage handler” because it seemed like I was always carrying luggage for a visiting relative or family friend (we lived in Orlando, next Disney World, so that happened often). Fortunately, that era of involuntary servitude ended when I decided to unionize myself and asked for wages and a tip.

But I’ll never forget those precious moments with Sinbad, who gave this only child an amazing childhood. Sinbad showed me that you could make your own fun. You didn’t need video games or an iPod. You just needed one poodle and one babysitter.

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They say there’s no such thing as a free meal, but fortunately that just isn’t true, you just gotta know where to look!” Here are some all free freebies!

Free Postage! Did you know blind people get free postage? Instead of sticking a stamp in the top left hand corner of the envelope these crafty sightless folks write, “Free Matter For the Blind or Handicapped.” Is this wrong for you to try? Heck, you may be “legally blind” and not even know it. Don’t throw away your rights!

Free Parking! All you have to do is get handicapped license plates. It’s easier than you think, especially in states like Wisconsin where the only requirement is “not being able to walk 200 feet or more without stopping to rest.” Just get some doctor to sign off on it (be sure to limp into his office) and you are set for life, parking like the big boss in the best space every time!

Free Tipping! Have you ever heard of “second-generation tipping?” It’s a wonderful money saver when you go out to eat. Simply take a tip off a nearby table and place it on yours. Your waiter gets a good tip, you get good service, everybody wins! If you feel especially generous, take 2 or 3 tips off other tables and put it on yours. Hey big spender!

Free Money for Being Impotent! Women have been paid to have sex for centuries, but did you know that men can be paid for not having sex? Centerwatch.com is a nationwide online listing of clinical medical trials. You can earn money for a variety of illnesses such as gout, IBS, depression, hair loss, diabetes, impotence and much more!

Free Student Stuff! A great web site for students is FreeStuffOnThe.Net. They have updated links to company web sites for free food, soaps, makeup, body wash etc… Another great site is Textbookx.com where you can buy new and used text books and get free shipping on most book orders over $49!

Free Internet! I once dated the cousin of the guy who started Earthlink and got free internet (about the only good thing from that relationship!). Here’s an easier way, you can find free internet connections at public libraries, Whole Foods grocery stores and the Wi-Fi-FreeSpot Directory. Also, this guy claims to have found a way to hack free wi-fi at the airport.

(Disclaimer: Warning, the above post contains comedy and satire and is not meant to be taken seriously, except by those who may be infuriated by its contents.)

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Gas prices are literally going up as I type. Apparently those multi-billion dollar tax breaks given to Exxon and other oil corporations haven’t quite panned out like President Bush promised they would. Even the U.S. military in Iraq is paying high gas prices!

Back in Washington D.C., President Bush wants to open up coasts for oil drilling even though the White House admits that would do little to drop gas prices. Bush could cap gas prices, like they do in China, where gas is about $2.20 a gallon, but don’t expect a former oilman to do that.

So how do you fill your car’s tank without going broke? Here’s a great web site that gives you the latest on low gas prices!

Before you hop in your car, find cheap gas prices in your area at GasPriceWatch.com. Enter your zip code and it gives you the addresses and maps of the cheapest gas in your neighborhood (it’s updated hourly!).

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